I arrived, and thankfully I immediately met someone from the Reno area, a kindred spirit and BYF for the rest of the festival (and still today). Of course I resisted that connection at first. But instead I chose to Try, and I made a new friend who actually chose me, reached out and pulled me in.
I had three volunteer shifts, working with strangers for 5 - 6 hours at a time. Sometimes it was awkward. Possibly because I was awkward. I knew I gave an air of being closed off, and I knew other people could sense it too. But I stuck with my mission, and I Tried. I made an effort to be friendly, although I was likely not very good at it. For many people, being friendly isn't hard... they just decide to Try and then it usually happens. For me, it was Trying to Try to be friendly. Not always succeeding, but I had to start somewhere.
The irony of this subject is that I have spent most of my adult life in customer service. I am highly trained, and I serve employers, co-workers, and customers/clients alike with skill and grace. I am amiable and funny when I'm comfortable, and I'm very good at being warm and accommodating when it is my job.
Not being on alert when I'm out of my comfort zone, that was the battle. Opening my heart to the average stranger? Oh hell no.
One day at that first Wanderlust I dropped in on a meditation class, set my mat down, and a guy laid his mat next to mine. We were early. I inhaled, steeled myself, and made conversation. We chatted for a bit, then class began. When we were done I inhaled again and said "thank you for sharing space with me" before I rolled up my mat and ran off. I had Tried. And I felt that I had succeeded!
I was on the cusp of big change, although I'd had no idea how much.
Since that time I have completed a 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training, become a Reiki Master, and I assisted my Yoga Mentor (whom I boldly introduced myself to at Wanderlust last year!) in her own Teacher Training. Along with plentiful other (sometimes painful) growth along my path thus far. I have become more open. I am a different person than I was then... and yet I still have to resist the urge to retreat when I feel uncomfortable. Maybe I always will?
Since I am now a Yoga Instructor, this year for Wanderlust I splurged and bought the full four-day pass. One evening out of the blue I was invited by a friend to the home of a wonderful well-known Yoga instructor for a barbecue, with some of the who's who of beautiful Bay Area yogis and instructors. (Have I mentioned how much my life has changed in the past few years?!) I declined the invitation at first... I wouldn't know anyone there other than the three friends that I was with... I didn't have anything to contribute, potluck-wise... But I caved under some serious peer pressure. Not long after we'd arrived and made the rounds, I was on the couch with 2 of my friends. "I hate this" I said quietly to them. I wasn't meeting or talking to anyone new, and I just felt awkward. I briefly considered walking back to the house we were staying in.
Instead, I inhaled... and I Tried.
Of course, I met a number of new people and had a great experience at the barbecue where I felt I "didn't belong". I don't wear the same armor that I did way back when, you know, two years ago. People react differently to me than they used to. The connections I made at this Wanderlust were bountiful, serendipitous, amazing. After a couple years' practice, I don't have to Try to Try anymore. I just have to remember to inhale, let go, and open my heart.